Somebody Make Me Feel Alive (And Shatter Me)
by Alantie Mistaniu
Summary: Post 3x19 Captain Swan. She doesn't like to admit she's wrong - no one does after all- but she knows she is, and she has to fix this. There is a sibling on the way, and a witch still at large, and she has a town to save whether she likes it or not. Now is not the time to be angry with each other.


**AN: It's been quite some time since I've written fanfiction, but seeing as how it's my ten year anniversary on the site - yikes!- and that I was quite suddenly struck by burning inspiration by my new favorite show Once Upon A Time, I decided to roll with it and churned this out. This does say Part 1, and admittedly I do have an inkling for a Part 2, but with my track record. . . I honestly can't make any promises. So here's one, and with maybe another to come for the future.**

**Somebody Make Me Feel Alive (**_**And Shatter Me)**_

_**Part 1**_

"You should trust your instincts more."

The remark from Regina breaks through the tense silence, her tone cool and disapproving. Emma whirls on her, adrenalyn from the fight still pumping through her veins, still lingering on the surface, ready to push her back over the edge.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she snaps.

The Queen's dark eyebrow arches, voice smooth. "Figure it out, Savior."

"No. I'm tired of figuring it out, tired of the riddles and secrets and lies. Tell me what you meant now." She ignores Henry's hand tugging on her coat sleeve, stare fixed on Regina, refusing to be intimidated or bullied.

The other woman sighs, and Robin takes her arm and slides it through his, though whether the action is meant to be protective or supportive, Emma can't tell and doesn't really care. "It's quite simple really- you don't listen to what your instincts tell you, don't listen to anything but the fears and doubts inside your own head and what the past has done to you instead of listening to the truth. What's the point in having a superpower if you aren't going to trust it?"

Emma felt her breath come sharp in her throat, hands clenching into fists. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Mm." Regina's dark eyes held hers for a long moment, and in their depths she sees something akin to pity. "I'm sure you do. I expect this jumping to conclusions bit from them." Her head tilts towards her parents, her tone both distasteful and strangely sad. "But I expected more from you." She leans closer, her voice soft. "You and I both know he wasn't lying."

She gives Emma one last long look before walking away with Robin back towards their cars.

The words are carefully chosen darts, hitting through the chinks in her battle armor, piercing and twisting their way under her skin, drilling straight through to her heart. She takes a slow shuddering breath against the sudden crystal clear memory of the hurt that had flashed across his face, the sincerity, the raw desperate _honesty _in his voice and she knows deep down that she's made a mistake.

_I'm tired of living in the past._

Her own words whisper through her mind, and she winces against the sharp barbs pricking at her heart, tearing wounds across the tender tissue that she's always tried to protect behind sturdy bricks and thick mortar, but they've began to crumble and flake away, and she knows, she _knows_ that she was wrong. She acted and spoke heedlessly still trapped in fear and blood pumping rush of battle, fear for Henry, Henry that she can never lose or it will be the end of her, and fear- fear for something else that she can't even put a name to, something she doesn't even dare to look at.

She doesn't like to admit she's wrong - no one does after all- but she knows she is, and she has to fix this. There is a sibling on the way, and a witch still at large, and she has a town to save whether she likes it or not. Now is not the time to be angry with each other.

That she comes to him is an act that speaks volumes in and of itself, more so that she realizes until she's standing there and Killian looks at her across the threshold of the open door. He doesn't speak, none of his usual quips and light hearted words on his lips. He merely looks at her, and she hates herself for putting that look in his gaze, hating that she's done everything she can to hurt him, to push him away, to get him to hate her and _leave her_ just like everyone else, as if to prove that if she's horrible enough, if she does or says enough painful things eventually he'll be gone too.

Emma inhales, and the words are like lifting a weight from her overly burdened shoulders. "I'm sorry. I know- I know you were doing what you thought was best for Henry."

What she can't say is how deeply it scared her, not that he could take Henry and leave and she'd never see either one again because she knows he wouldn't do that, he knows what her son means to her. No, what scares her is that his immediate reaction was so protective, instinctual, so much like her own. And what that might mean terrifies her more than she can ever admit.

He still says nothing, just watches her and she sways slightly from foot to foot in the silence. She won't beg- she still has her pride after all. But she stands there waiting, dual thoughts fly through her mind, of begging him to forgive her, not to abandon her, and at the same time hoping that he won't, that he'll prove her right and leave her broken and shattered just like everyone else. There's a security in familiarity, even if it's pain.

"I'm sorry," she says again, hearing the lost little girl in her voice and hating herself for it. "I- I don't know what I was thinking- I'm so sorry, Killian. I-"

Her words break off as he steps forward, taking her hand, lifting to press a kiss to her palm, and a shudder goes through her, warmth flooding her veins.

"Enough, love," he said tiredly. "I forgive you."

She inhales; she hadn't expected him to accept it so simply. Again there is that understanding between them that goes beyond words, she doesn't need to explain everything that ran through her mind, because he already knows it. "I didn't think . . . . you'd be here to appologize to," she admits.

Killian shakes his head slightly, giving her a ghost of his normal smirk. "You can't get rid of me that easily, Swan. I'm here for you and your boy whether you want me or not, regardless if you trust me or not."

Some of the broken pieces rattling around inside her chest seem to fit back together, something inside of her beginning to heal with those words. Relief floods her, but that broken look in his eyes hasn't faded yet, and she doesn't know how to fix it, surprised to find that she wants to. But as much as she wants to take the time to do it, there is none. The seriousness of the situation presses her to continue, even though there are still things needing mending between them.

"Thank you," she whispers. "I should have listened- but I was angry, and so scared that I had lost Henry, that I had lost. . . "

"Lass, I know." Killian's fingers tightened around hers marginally, an anchor holding her steady, and she draws in a slow breath, trying to gather her thoughts.

"The message and the potion to bring me back. You really don't know who sent them to you?"

He shakes his head, keeping his gaze locked on hers. "Swan, I swear to you that I don't. As I said before, I assumed it had been your parents who had sent it - the bird seemed like your mother's touch. Who else would think to send me to you?"

This time she forces down the inner fears, the old ghosts of the past and focuses entirely on him, on what her gut tells her, and she _knows_ he's telling the truth. The guilt swirls anew inside her; really, what does it matter who sent the message to him, whether it was meant for ill or not, the point is he came for _her_. If he hadn't, her family could have been destroyed by now, lost to her forever and Zelena would have won. As it is, they have a chance now, and it's all because of him, and none of them have given him the credit for it that he deserves.

She blinks, aware that she's let the silence stretch too long, her voice quiet as it breaks the quiet. "I believe you."

There's a flicker of relief that flashes across his features, genuine and so achingly human it hurts her heart. "Thank you, Swan."

She nods slightly, pausing only a moment before asking the question that's been haunting her since she was able to get a handle on her thoughts, realizing she had been so caught up in her own fears and anger she hadn't fully absorbed the other staggering thing he had let slip.

"You said something about being cursed," she begins hesitantly.

His face darkens, and she sees again the rage and raw pain that had been so starkly clear on his face when Zelena appeared she wonders how she could have deluded herself so badly before into even considering that he would have been working with her. "It's a long story, longer than I suspect we have time for. Suffice to say, she cursed me in hopes that I would do what she could not: remove your powers. The next time I kiss you it will take them - needless to say, you can understand now why I've been distant from you." He gives her a lopsided smile that does nothing to disguise the pain in his gaze.

Emma exhales, and draws in another slow breath. Yes, she understands, and she feels anew her kindling hatred for Zelena, for cursing something that should never be touched. She's perhaps been spending too much time with her parents and fairy tales in general, but the feeling of something that symbolizes love to be cursed is wrong on such deep levels there aren't words enough to describe the disgust she feels. She wants to reach out to him, to heal the lost look that she recognizes all too well, but the admission has scraped him raw and though she knows he meant what he said about not leaving her, there's a part of himself he's holding back, not quite ready to open back completely to her no matter how much he may want to. That relieves her because she understands that too- it will take time for things to be as they were between them again.

She shakes her head, blond curls fluttering with the motion. "She's got a lot to answer for."

Killian's smile turns bitter. "Aye."

"I wish this was the only reason I came, and when this is over we'll fix this, but Zelena, she - she took my brother. We're going to find her and get him back. To put a stop to this once and for all." Emma hesitates a heartbeat before asking. "Will you come with me?" She meant to say us, but the me slips out before she can stop it. To his credit, he doesn't bat an eye at the verbal fumble.

"I wager your father won't be pleased to have me with you."

He utters it lightly, but there's that undercurrent of bruised hurt, another relationship that needs to be mended, and she bristles with a sudden surge of protectiveness. "David wants his son back, he's going to take your help whether he likes it or not, because I say you're going with us. Will you come?"

His fingers are still wrapped around her hand, and she feels the soft exhale of his warm breath against her skin as he sighs. "Aye. As you wish, darling."

To his credit, her father says nothing when they arrive together. David doesn't question her, for which she is grateful - if nothing else, he trusts her judgement, and by default will trust Killian for the time being. She suspects though that David is feeling as bad about their accusations as she is, and it shows in the sideways glances, the uneasy tension in the air between the two men. She wasn't aware that they had formed a tentative friendship until they suddenly weren't anymore, and the strangeness of it all is jarring, even amidst the serious of the situation.

Regina's look is knowing, as if to say '_I told you so',_ but to her credit she says nothing as they form their plan. It's essentially simple- Regina will confront Zelena head on with Robin to cover her while David goes for the baby. Emma and Killian will fight off the flying monkeys while trying to relieve Zelena of either her pendant or the Dark One's dagger- either will tip the scales in their favor. It's straightforward and to the point, and as there are five against two - hopefully to be one if things go well- it seems like they have a chance.

But things go badly from the get go.

Emma should have known something was wrong. They found her too easily, far too easily for someone as clever as Zelena was supposed to be. But they were all eager to see this done, to take the baby back to his grieving mother, to end this once and for all, and so the five of them had rushed into it too quickly.

There were too many of the flying monkeys, more than they expected and for every one that Emma shoots out of the sky, for every one that Killian slices to dust, there are two more to take it's place. They've been forced to retreat back towards the empty stables, away from the confrontation between Zelena and Regina, unable to see what's happening between the furry shrieking creatures assaulting them.

She points her gun but feels the slide lock back, signalling she's out of ammunition, and swears under her breath, fumbling for her second gun in the holster on her hip but she's too slow, she's -

A shoulder slams into her, knocking her aside, and she hears the sharp, muted noise of pain minutes before the monkey is cut down and explodes like the rest. She's whirling, reaching out for him, seeing the grimace creasing his face, sword falling to the dirt as he presses his palm against his side. He pulls it away for the briefest moment, and it comes away crimson. The sight sends cracks streaking across the wall around her heart and she knows it shows in her face as her eyes meet his. The realization of what Killian just did for her, is sinking in, how easily it could have been her, and she isn't immune to the fact that he could have died if the claws had struck higher, or deeper or- But as the shrilling cries of another round of monkeys reach her ears the fear is transformed into anger and she's in motion, grabbing his sword in her free hand , moving into a defensive stance in front of him.

"Back!" she yells at him, slashing at one monster even as she fires at another, and to his credit Killian doesn't argue, face drawn with pain as he stumbles backwards through the door of the stable.

She follows, shooting another of the beasts as it attempts to claw past her, kicking the door shut with her foot. The moment it slams shut she hears their bodies colliding with the wood, shrieking and snarling as they batter and scratch and maul it, but she's already slammed the bolt down, praying the thick wood will be enough to keep them out. Her head swings in Killian's direction, and he's on his knees in the straw, hunched over, hand still pressed against his wound.

Meeting her gaze he gives her a strained smile. "I've had worse love," he manages to say. "It will be all right."

Maybe so, but the sight of him in pain twists her heart and her lips part to answer when a shuddering crash against the door draws her attention. The sword comes up as she instantly moves in front of him again ready to face the hoard, but a second crash draws her attention in time to see Zelena being flung across her line of vision, landing hard on the floor. Regina strides in after her, hand raised and sparking white, even as the Witch scrambles to her feet. She's flushed and furious, her gaze swinging to take in Emma and Killian, lip curling in a snarl.

"Having a bit of trouble are we?"

"Apparently not as much as you," she snaps back.

"Is that really what you think?" Zelena's eyes are ice and rage, her gaze swinging to Regina and Robin before coming back to Emma. "Dear oh dear, clearly you people know nothing about distractions," she sighs, flinging out her hand towards the wall on her right.

The wood explodes, showering them with bits of debris, and through the gaping hole they can see clearly Rumplestiltskin holding a small bundled figure over the mouth of the well, his expression even from a distance filled with pain. David is frozen inches from him, hands outstretched for his second child, so close and yet so far at the same time. In the ground around them is drawn a triangle, Rumplestiltskin on one end, a small glowing scarlet heart at the other, and the hilt of a sword thrust into the ground at the final point.

Zelena's smile is triumphant as she looks back at them, chin lifting. "You see, there's a reason that the time travel spells have failed in the past. You need specific ingredients, harvested from powerful sources, and I've picked only the best. You also need something to connect you to the past, specifically, what you want to change, and a blending of light and dark magic. I of course can provide the dark, but as for light. . . well, I knew I would never get it from Glinda, or from you. That's why I needed another source of it, one that couldn't fight back and put up a fuss, and what better one than a second child born of True Love? Not to mention he bears the blood to tie me to the person in the past I need to reach, his lovely grandmother, Ava. All in all, your dear baby brother is the perfect final ingredient."

"You're sick," Emma growls, hand tightening around the sword.

"Of course, there is one other special thing I needed," Zelena continues as if she hasn't been interrupted, her mad eyes glittering, her face flushed with her close at hand victory. "A special, shall we say, boost to the magic? The water in that well, it can revive what is lost, and in this case, it's going to be restoring me to the life I should have had."

Emma feels her stomach drop. They should have realized there was a reason that Zelena had chosen the wishing well for their confrontation, but no one had given it much thought, and now it was too late.

Zelena's hand is on the dagger, her head held high. "Well. Anyway, I tire of this. It's time to end this. Rumplestiltskin! Do it!"

"Zelena-" Emma's rarely heard Rumplestiltskin sound so vulnerable, so powerless, and she can see his arms trembling with the effort of resisting the order, the baby wailing at the jerking motion. "No- I'm begging you."

Her eyes flash once, cold, merciless, and her fingers tighten around the hilt, the command sharper. "Drop him."

"No!" David shouts, his cry echoed by his daughter, and Rumplestiltskin's face twists in fury.

"Damn you Zelena," he hisses, and his arms jerk downward, and the baby falls, swallowed up in the well.

It takes Emma a moment to realize the sharp scream belongs to her as she jerks towards but remembers the Witch, whirling back to face her. She's torn in half, wanting nothing to save her baby brother - she can't let her parents lose another baby, she _can't-_ but she knows the moment she tries, there will be not only Zelena but the imprisoned Rumple trying to stop her as well. But more than that, Zelena must be stopped, here and now, or more than just one baby will die.

Zelena's smirk says she knows it too. "Can't be in two places at once can you?" Her voice is mocking, eyes glint with her victory, awash in the certainty that she's won. "Come on, Savior. Make your choice."

Her lips part, indecision, duty and her heart warring but in the next split second she sees a blur of black and Killian is racing past her towards the well. Her heart stops, realization of what he's going to do sends shock pumping through her body.

"What are you doing?!" she cries.

Zelena realizes it too and she shrieks angrily. "Stop him!"

Moving jerkily, Rumple moves forward to intercept the pirate, rage and frustration in his gaze even as he raises his hand. Horror floods Emma's heart. "Regina!" she shouts, but the Queen is already in action, sending her magic sweeping up to slam into Rumplestiltskin's chest, knocking him out of the way in time for Killian to fly past him and dive into the well.

A scream of rage escapes Zelena's lips, but Emma is already in action, worry for her sibling and Killian both churning inside her, fueling the rush of light magic that she channels into her open palm, letting it pool and build before sending it flying at Zelena's hand. The Witch lets out a bloodcurdling shriek, and the dagger drops from her smoking fingers, as the blond woman dives to catch it.

Zelena dives with her despite her injury and all magic is forgotten as the two women struggle for the blade. That two wielders of powerful magic are scuffling and jostling for the dagger like children is an irony not lost on Emma, but she quickly loses patience with it and does what she's sure everyone has been wanting to do to Zelena for a long time. She punches her in the face. There's a satisfying crunch and the other woman recoils with a muffled shriek as Emma scrambles to her feet, the dagger clutched in her hand.

Rumplestiltskin's eyes flare, his smile fierce, and he waves a hand at David, breaking the spell holding him frozen and in an instant the Prince is in motion, scrambling to the well just as Killian suddenly appears slinging his hooked arm over the edge, dripping wet and gasping for breath as he lifts a sodden blanket wrapped bundle, and the thin wailing cry simultaneously rips at Emma's heart and heals it at the same time because it means her brother is alive, and Killian- Killian is alive too.

"Take the lad first," he says as David reaches for him, fending the other man's attempts to pull him out as he pushes the baby into his arms.

An angry shriek draws Emma's attention back to the auburn haired woman pressing her sleeve to her bleeding nose, the Witch forgotten in the surge of relief that had flooded her. Zelena is scrambling to her feet, face white and smeared with crimson.

"This is not over!" Her fingers twist and jerk downward, green magic cocooning her fist.

Killian gasps and suddenly he's jerked downward, and the roar of rushing water fills the air. David surges forward but a shimmering blaze of magic streaks across the opening of the well, snapping over it like a lid.

"No!"

A strangled cry escapes Emma's throat, and Zelena stares back at her, somehow even more terrifying on the verge of defeat than she was on the cusp of her triumph, pure hatred blazing in her gaze.

"If you take what I want from me," she intones, voice low, teeth bared in a fierce grin. "Then I'll take something you love from you. Or do you love him at all? I have to admit, I have wondered. After everything the man has done for you, it would certainly be a cold woman who would let him die now. To die for love, drowning for it- are you willing to let him face that for you? Think quickly dear, every moment is another he's down there, and I doubt even he can hold his breath this long."

The world tilts, and a cold emptiness seems to be spreading through her chest. No. No. She's never asked him to die for her, never asked him to give anything up for her, never asked him to do any of this. But he's done it all for her, all of it and more. And the realization that she could lose him, that he could die - she can feel the

She steps forward, fist clenched. "Let him go, this has nothing to do with him!"

"Oh, I think it's a fitting punishment for him indeed," she breaths. "After all, he failed to take your magic, dared to defy me, dared to love you, and so he shall die for it unless I get to finish my spell."

"Not a chance," Regina cuts in, her hand raised, magic sparking at her fingertips. "It's over."

"No!" she spits. "It will never be over!"

Regina's expression hardens. "Yes, yes it is, sister."

Her hand flashes out, curling around the emerald pendant and yanking the chain until it snaps and breaks from Zelena's neck. She gasps, swaying on the spot, face going white as her power drains from her like water and she collapses to her knees. The magic seal over the water sparks and fades.

Emma gasps and races for the well, but David is quicker. Pushing his son into Rumplestiltskin's arms he dives into the well, sending a spray of water upward. She's running, running faster, fear an icy fist around her heart. There is silence and then suddenly the water surges again as David breaks the surface, haling Killian's motionless body up with him. Reaching the well, Emma grasps the unconscious man, using all her strenth to help pull him out. He falls backwards and she catches his head and cradling it to lessen the impact with the ground. He's still, too still dark hair still damp and glistening with moisture from the well water, dark lashed eyes closed.

"Killian!"

She doesn't recognize the anguished cry as her own, the sound so vulnerable, raw and full of heartbreaking emotion it scares her. He's not breathing, motionless, still, and beneath her palm where his heart should be beating there is nothing, and she shatters.

"No! No! No!"

She scrambles to rise onto her knees, placing her hands on his chest, pressing down with all the strength she can muster. She begins to lean over to press her mouth against his to breath air into his lungs but her father is suddenly there, pulling her back, and she remembers almost too late about the curse. Before she can even form words to protest David is leaning over to do it. One. Two. Three. And then she's pressing again, eyes watching, waiting for some sign of life, but there's none.

"Don't you die on me, don't you dare!" she cries out, pushing harder. "Damn you, Killian, breath! Don't leave me!"

David sits back on his heels, reaching for her shoulder, and she senses his defeat but she shrugs him off, continuing to push with the rhythm of her own heartbeat. She can't stop, she can't give up on him, not after everything he's done, not after he's refused to give up on her. She can't - he can't die, he just _can't-_

Suddenly he shudders beneath her hands, dark lashed lids flying open to meet her wide green ones before he rolls to the side, retching, spewing the water from his lungs with heaving gasps.

"Killian!"

He is drawing in air in great gasps, shuddering as he flops weakly onto his back. She's hovering over him his head in her lap, hands cupping his face, fingers brushing against his damp skin and stubble, unable to believe that he's really ok.

His eyelids tremble and open slowly as if they weigh too much to lift, his good hand lifting to touch her cheek. "Lass, you're crying."

Her lips part to deny it, but his fingers brush beneath her eye and come away glistening, and she shudders, the realization that she was so close to losing him, and that he's alive, and looking at her like she's . . .

His gaze slides to David, and coughs. "Mate, I appreciate the gesture, but please, you're a married man, and my heart is pledged to another. Let's forget this ever happened and never let it occur again."

David exhales, chuckling wryly. "I think I can manage that."

Emma gives a shaky laugh- leave it to Killian to try to make light of his own near death experience, but he's already slipping back into unconsciousness, his head lolling against her, and she bends over him, pressing her forehead to his as she cradles him close.

The hair on the back of her neck prickles and she looks up, sucking in her breath as she stares at the well behind David's back, at the thick green stormy mist rising out of it.

"No," she whispers. "No! We stopped it!"

A high pitched laugh snaps her attention to Zelena who's come up the hill at arrow point, Regina and Robin both on either side of her. "No dear girl," she sneers. "It was already cast and in motion before you even arrived. The only thing it needed was the child, and alas, even though it wasn't consumed, it should still be plenty to at least get me somewhere in the past to make sure I get the life I deserve."

Emma glares up at her defiantly, crouching protectively over Killian even as the emerald magic rises and begins to surround them. "I'll stop you," she spits. "No matter what time we end up in, no matter what you try, I will stop you and fix this."

That mad smile is mocking, triumphant. "You are certainly welcome to try."

And then the storm descends.


End file.
